Why is Grief worse at Night? Can you dare to dream?
Sleep.
That demon need that we crave, we desire, we want to lose our self within its darkness and oblivion…
But when we’re grieving, it can be illusive, like a kite on a string with a wind so strong we battle to control it or a locked door without the necessary key that will let us inside.
Sleep is happening for everyone else, but you can’t shut off your mind long enough to relax into that nothingness and it’s driving you crazy.
The unimaginable thoughts you always hoped would never invade your head, the ‘what if’s’ and the constant questionings that go round and round but can never be answered, the nightmare scenarios that just won’t stop as your imagination runs wild and free every time your head hits that pillow.
OR
You can’t get out of bed for long. You drag your exhausted body around like a dead, limp rag clinging to your shoe and you cannot shake it off; you don’t have the energy to divest yourself of this shattered new you.
This you that is left behind after a death is consistently drawn into that unconsciousness, into that darkness, into that blissful oblivion where you can hide away from the hell that is your grief. The awake world doesn’t exist for you now. It has nothing you want.
But, do you dream?
Do you have nightmares?
Is it restless or restful when you lay your head and drift away?
Grief really affects your sleep.
Either scenario is difficult to navigate as grief affects your mind, body & spirit in so many ways and no one way is right or wrong, it just is and both are exhausting, terrifying, heart-breaking, numbing and a pain in your arse and it makes you want to shout and cry and hit something because death isn’t fucking fair!
They’re gone and never coming back and although somewhere in your consciousness, you know death is always lurking in life, you didn’t want to admit it could happen to you and your loved one. Surely this awful pain happens to someone else? Not you, never you.
They were going to live forever…Or you were supposed to go first…
‘Oh to sleep, perchance to dream...’
And yet, sleep can bring with it all those little nightmare demons that play with your head when you’re awake, and now, if you do manage to get some shut eye, they will continue to play with your head as your subconscious takes over and offers a variety of terrorizing scenario’s that bring even more deep suffering as you try to process your loss.
To sleep, is also to wake and in those seconds before fully consciousness kicks in, there, within that sacred moment it could all have been a terrible dream, a nightmare, oh thank god…It wasn’t real… But then reality hits and the pain, the agony of truth is all too honest and your heart breaks just that little bit more.
Sleep. We know we need it to survive. We know we need it to function. We know we need it to heal. It’s like a friend who can also be our enemy, a love-hate relationship, a bitter-sweet companion we must try to allow.
So can you make sleep work for you?
You can when you step away from what society expects.
When you realise that a bed doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things or that doing the usual ‘bed-time’ routines are not absolutely necessary right now, then you can release the tension and stress that comes with society ‘rules’ and just allow rest to come.
If why is grief worse at night a question you ask yourself, I can help you.
I offered a free session on ways to help with this in my private group for women on FB, found here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healyourgriefandshineyourlight
With Love
Paula x